WASHINGTON, DC – Cereal manufacturer Post announced this week that Bernie Sanders will be joining Fred Flintstone on the boxes of Fruity Pebbles cereal starting this winter. The Vermont senator will be replacing longtime cereal icon Barney Rubble on the packaging and all marketing materials.
“I know I don’t often endorse products,” said Sanders, “especially those marketed by the 1%, but to me this seemed like a natural fit. I have dedicated my career to fighting the obscene levels of income and wealth inequality in the United States of America, and Fruity Pebbles have obscene levels of taste and deliciousness.”
A spokesman for Post said that, although consumers would miss Barney Rubble, that rubble is just “bigger sand,” so it seemed like a “no-brainer” to have Sanders on board. The amount of money paid to Senator Sanders for this deal was not disclosed.
“We must never allow demagogues to divide us up by race, by religion, by national origin, by gender, by sexual orientation, or by flavor!” Sanders shouted at a press conference. “Orange, lemon and cherry; purple, green, and berry blue; Incrediberry Purple and Bedrock Berry Pink; we must stand together. Breakfast belongs to all of us!”
Sanders was later observed sneaking out of the conference with most of the cereal that had been meant for the event guests. Reporters were seen chasing after him shouting “Bernie, my Pebbles!”