The Winooski

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Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Month: August 2017

Thousands of Oil and Coal Lobbyists Flood Vermont In Eclipse Counter-Protest

August 21, 2017 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – Representatives from dozens of fossil fuel companies began arriving in Vermont’s largest city this weekend, including lobbyists from ExxonMobil, BP, and Peabody Energy. […]

Syrup & Cows #011 – 8/20/17

August 20, 2017 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Londonderry Transfer Station to Start Accepting White Supremacists

August 19, 2017 The Winooski 1

LONDONDERRY – Big changes are coming to the Londonderry transfer station in southern Vermont. In addition to the controversial switch over from a cash system […]

Former Town of Richford, VT Names Itself “South Canada”

August 18, 2017 The Winooski 5

RICHFORD – The town of Richford, VT has renamed itself “South Canada” after declaring its secession from the state and country earlier this month. Town […]

Donald Trump Disbands Vermont After Remarks from Gov. Scott

August 17, 2017 The Winooski 80

WASHINGTON, DC – The state of Vermont has been disbanded, according to a tweet from Confederate President Donald Trump early this morning. The 2:17 AM […]

State Police Release Updated List of Songs That Raise the Speed Limit

August 16, 2017 The Winooski 0

WATERBURY – The Vermont State Police has released its annual list of songs that, when played in a moving vehicle, raise the speed limit for […]

Local Couple Creates New Marital Aid

August 15, 2017 The Winooski 0

ESSEX, NY – A husband and wife team of veterinarians from nearby Mineville, used to working with large animals, have developed a revolutionary product for dealing […]

Lone Nazi Wanders Charlotte After Misreading Alt-Right E-mail

August 14, 2017 The Winooski 5

CHARLOTTE – It was a lonely and confusing weekend for white supremacist Raymond Cyst. After misreading an e-mail sent out to his various alt-right hate […]

Syrup & Cows #010 – 8/13/17

August 13, 2017 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Local Businesses Scramble After Halloween Moves to August 31

August 12, 2017 The Winooski 0

WILLISTON – Many businesses have been scrambling this week to get their Halloween displays out after the sudden announcement that the popular holiday has been […]

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