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The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Month: August 2017

Deerfield Valley Farmer’s Day Fair Turns 100 For the 67th Time

August 11, 2017 The Winooski 0

WILMINGTON – Residents of Deerfield Valley, which is most likely a mountain, have been slyly celebrating the 100th anniversary of the local Farmer’s Day Fair […]

Burlington Decriminalizes Stabbings

August 10, 2017 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – In response to a second downtown stabbing attack this year, the city of Burlington has acted quickly to decriminalize violent assault with a […]

Richford, VT Secedes From State and Country

August 9, 2017 The Winooski 0

RICHFORD – The small town of Richford, VT, located on the northern border of the state and centered between interstate highways 89 and 91, has […]

First UMC Burlington Installs Harry Potter Themed Windows

August 8, 2017 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – In a growing competition amongst downtown churches, each looking to capture the coveted  youth demographic, Burlington’s First United Methodist Church has made an […]

Jane Sanders Looks to Bankrupt More Colleges to Boost Bernie’s Presidential Qualifications

August 7, 2017 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – Jane Sanders, wife of Vermont Senator and former presidential candidate Bernie Sanders, still believes deeply that her husband will become President one day. […]

Syrup & Cows #009 – 8/6/17

August 6, 2017 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Chinese Immigrant in Jericho Gets The Call

August 5, 2017 The Winooski 0

JERICHO – Choing Bok Hoy (not his real name) of Jericho, VT received the call of his dreams in late July. A Chinese man of uncertain […]

State Business Leaders Unable to Tell Mountains From Valleys

August 4, 2017 The Winooski 1

LUDLOW – The Winooski “spotlight” team has uncovered a strange phenomenon happening throughout the state of Vermont. Many government and business leaders have begun to confuse […]

Burlington Resident Selling Soul For $6000

August 3, 2017 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – According to popular regional commerce site Craigslist, a resident of Burlington is selling their soul for $6,499. They claim in the listing that […]

MTV Cribs to feature Vermont Town Clerks

August 2, 2017 The Winooski 1

CAYMAN ISLANDS – The mansion touring reality show “MTV Cribs” will be airing a new episode this September featuring the luxury homes of a select […]

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