Vermont Cows Call For Ice Cream Boycott

SOUTH BURLINGTON – Eleven cows from a local dairy farm are picketing the Ben & Jerry’s Vermont headquarters calling for an immediate boycott on all ice cream products until their demands are met.  The protest is being led by an activist cow and known fencer, originally from Maine. A bystander told a reporter from The Winooski that the leader goes by the name of Gertie.

As of press time, the exact nature of the cows’ protest has been difficult to pin down.  The reporter was soundly rebuffed when he approached the picket-line in South Burlington for an interview, and had to resort to chatting with a straggler Holstein who was calmly chewing her cud in a neighboring field, far from the madding herd.

“I’m not sure what it’s all about,” she ruminated. “I’m perfectly content and not part of it, you see. But I’ve heard a few things.  Wi-Fi interference in one of the sheds set a milking machine to running amok last week. Very nasty business, if you can imagine. But it might be about more than that. And these few here are only the vanguard.  I heard that Gert sent the entire rest of the herd to the plant, to block tanker deliveries. So it could get ugly.  You’d best get yourself over there to Waterbury, if you want to see where the real action is.”

On his way to Ben & Jerry’s Waterbury factory, the reporter was able to get a comment about the tense situation from a customer at a Dunkin Donuts in Bolton. The man, who gave his name as Joe DeLaval, said he was happy to speak on the record.

“I’m all for supporting the cows,” he said. “After all, this is Vermont. But boycott ice cream? That’s pretty drastic, wouldn’t you say?”

A Ben & Jerry’s spokesperson could not be reached for comment, although the Migrant Justice movement is said to be supportive of the cows and is urging the company to hear out the herd.

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