SOUTH CANADA – In an unusually quick turnaround for such a project, the U.S. has approved and completed a wall along the full length of the border it shares with the new nation of South Canada. President Trump, or “45” as he is called by his closest friends, declared victory on the project which received bipartisan approval in Congress.
“I told you we’d build a wall, and we built it,” the president said at a press conference. “I never said Mexico. Go back and look at all my speeches. I never once said the word ‘Mexico’ my entire campaign, believe me. Ask anybody. I said ‘wall’ and we have a wall. The people of South Canada are very bad people. Not all of them, but they are. Very bad. Some are good, but not the ones I’m referring to. I think you know what I’m saying here. And people said I couldn’t do it. They said Congress would never do anything for me. And those people, I think, today, they’re getting the sad trombone. And I am the happiest trombone, and it didn’t cost the taxpayers a dime.”
One reason that the projected was completed so quickly and cheaply may have been the fact that the total length of the border between the U.S. and South Canada is only around twenty miles. Another factor was clearly that South Canada agreed to pay for the wall as soon as it was completed.
“Yeah, we got no problems with that wall,” said South Canadian President Charlene “Skunk” Bedard as construction began earlier this week. “We don’t want to be going down there anyway. Why do you think we seceded in the first place? Honestly, I’m glad they built it. Keep the riff-raff out, in my opinion. So yeah, let them build it. And we’re ****ing thrilled to reimburse them.”
The wall, which some are calling more of a low fence, was completed yesterday evening to cheering and applause from both sides. South Canadian Secretary of the Treasury Alan Fletcher delivered the promised payment personally, driving the dump truck himself as he deposited 12 cubic yards of local dirt currency weighing over 25,000 pounds over the top of the wall onto American soil.
Trump later tweeted out “We got the dirt. Promises kept. Strong.”