SOUTH CANADA – The country of Canada has filed a suit against its tiny neighbor to the south, claiming that South Canada does not have the right to include “Canada” in its country’s name. South Canada chose its new name after seceding from the United States and its residents voted to abandon the old name of “Richford, VT.” The suit was filed with the International Court of Justice, which is the primary judicial branch of the United Nations, and Canada immediately apologized for filing the suit as soon as the paperwork had been turned in to the court.
“Yeah, they said they were very sorry about it,” said South Canadian Secretary of State Angela Washington, a former U.S. Post Office employee who has been in her cabinet position for just a few months. “And honestly, I’m not sure what to do in this situation. I don’t really have any legal experience. I guess I could call them? What’s Canada’s phone number?”
Alan Fletcher, the South Canadian Secretary of the Treasury, told reporters that he is worried the fledgling nation will not have the kind of dirt needed if they were to lose the case. In the suit, Canada did not ask for a monetary award other than their own legal expenses, but rather are hoping to keep South Canada from using the name.
“That doesn’t even make any sense,” said Fletcher. “Then what would we be called? South? What kind of name is that? No, we’re going to fight this with every speck of dirt we’ve got.”
UPDATE: We have an exclusive report that the lawsuit has been dismissed by the U.N. after a phone call was made by 17-year-old South Canadian Speaker of the House Madison James. Ms. James reportedly pointed out to the ICJ that since that body has failed to recognize South Canada as a sovereign nation, Canada cannot file a suit against them in that court All charges have been dismissed, leaving Canada in the awkward position of having to sue the United States if they wish to proceed, as the U.N. still considers South Canada part of the U.S. Unfortunately President Trump does not consider South Canada part of the U.S., which leaves lawyers scrambling to figure out who belongs to where and which what can sue who. Further updates will be posted as they are made available to us.