The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Month: December 2017

Sec. Fletcher Cleared as South Canadian Political Drama Continues

December 21, 2017 The Winooski 1

SOUTH CANADA – New evidence has come to light in the case of the UTC plant bombing.  Despite video footage showing South Canadian secretary of […]

Former VT GOP Head Dave Sunderland Revealed to Be a Bot

December 20, 2017 The Winooski 0

RUTLAND – After a series of repeated tweets this past week, authorities have revealed that “Dave Sunderland,” former chair of the Vermont Republican Party, does […]

All BHS Classes to Be Held in Executive Session

December 19, 2017 The Winooski 1

BURLINGTON – The Burlington school district school board announced today that all classes at Burlington High school will be held in executive session for the remainder […]

Lt. Governor Dave Zuckerman Steps Down Amid Allegations of Star Wars Spoilers

December 18, 2017 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – After several complaints by unnamed staffers over the weekend, Vermont Lt. Governor Dave Zuckerman has announced his intention to step down amid a […]

Syrup & Cows #028 – 12/17/17

December 17, 2017 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

VT Releases List of 7 Words Banned in Official Legislation

December 16, 2017 The Winooski 29

MONTPELIER – The Vermont legislature has been advised to avoid certain words while drafting policies and legislation. This order, which came directly from the governor’s […]

South Canada Teeters on Brink of Civil War

December 15, 2017 The Winooski 1

SOUTH CANADA – After video surveillance footage surfaced of South Canadian Treasury Secretary Alan Fletcher planting explosives at the UTC Plant in Vergennes, VT, inner […]

Tourists Begin to Arrive in Vermont for the Beginning of Skid Season

December 14, 2017 The Winooski 1

FAYSTON – As the first real snowstorm of the season blanketed the state this week, out of town visitors began to pour in for the […]

Vermont to Begin Collecting Sales Tax on Gifts From Santa

December 13, 2017 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – After a controversial decision to crack down on sales tax from online retailers such as Amazon.com, the state of Vermont has decided to […]

Vermont GOP Stands Behind Roy Moore, Because That’s the Non-Penis Side

December 12, 2017 The Winooski 2

DANVILLE – Vermont Republican National Committeewoman Suzanne Butterfield has made a statement of support for accused pedophile Roy Moore in the special election that will determine […]

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