SOUTH BURLINGTON – Last Monday, Vermont’s Attorney General T.J. Donovan was a total narc and made it illegal for businesses to provide their customers with free pot. But instead of rolling over and letting the government strip them of their God-given right to get blazed, South Burlington-based glassware and herbal supply store Smoke and Mirrors rolled up a joint of out-of-the-box ideas and found a loophole in the new law.
“We were pretty bummed about the Attorney General’s decision,” said Smoke and Mirrors owner Rowan Greenfield. “We had a great thing going–people would come in and buy a $50 ‘Reefer Madness’ t-shirt, and as a token of our gratitude we’d give them a free eighth of blue dream. But the Attorney General’s decision might’ve been a blessing in disguise, since it inspired us to find an even better way to legally distribute weed without a license.”
Smoke and Mirrors’ new program, “Dank-ee Swap,” allows customers to exchange cannabis products, Yankee swap-style. Every day at 4:20 pm, Smoke and Mirrors patrons will meet in the store’s totally official backroom and trade their canna-bounty. Participants can bring items such as weed (home grown or legally acquired with a medical card, of course), bongs, pipes, vapes, grinders, rosin, and old Bob Marley vinyls. Smoke and Mirrors will charge customers a small broker’s fee.
According to Vermont’s no-fun, buzzkill of an Attorney General, adding mary-jane to any commercial transaction is illegal. However, the new ruling says nothing about businesses providing a platform for customers to exchange weed products that they’ve legally acquired, and charging a fee for the service.
“The Dank-ee Swap will be way better than the old system,” said Greenfield. “It’s a fun and festive, communal gathering of like-minded lovers of the devil’s lettuce. It’s green Christmas, every day.”
When asked for comment, Attorney General Donovan seemed impressed. “Wow, yeah, technically nothing in the law prevents them from doing that,” he told us. “You’ve got to hand it to these stoners, they can get pretty damn creative. Of course, we’ll probably just revise the law in a month or two and shut the whole operation down. But still. Props.”