SOUTH CANADA – When Vermonters travel to Mexico, they are “gringos,” and in England they are “yanks.” If they travel to southern states they are “northern aggressors,” but when they visit South Canada there is not yet consensus on what to call these neighboring foreigners. Vermont itself has nicknames for people from Quebec, Massachusetts (especially in traffic), and other nearby areas, but has also yet to decide on what to call its former countrymen and new border buddies.
South Canada, in its quest to fully distinguish itself from the state it left just over one year ago, has been experimenting with different derogatory nicknames for people that still live in Vermont, but most people still just use the term “Vermonters,” said in a snidely disgusted manner.
“Honestly, we need a better name for them,” said Speaker of the House Madison James. “We need some unity as a nation, and there’s no better way to bring people together than to exclude and deride a different group of people. So we’ve been trying out some new terms for those jerks who stayed behind and refused to follow us to the glory that is now South Canada. My personal favorite is ‘Vermuggles,’ but I think only time will tell, in terms of what really sticks.
An informal poll conducted by The Winooski found that South Canadians have been using the terms “Vermuggles,” “Vermonsters,” “Vermobsters,” “Idiot Vermonters,” and “Jerkmonters” most frequently, although there was no clear leader in overall usage.
If they want to call us names, how about “NAMES”? That would be “North American Mountainous Environment Settlers” (as opposed to “flatlanders” which is everybody else). Option Two: Since “flatlanders” is already taken, and not really appropriate anyway, how about “flatLAKErs” or “flakers” for short?