SOUTH CANADA – In a move that is causing concern among its neighbors, the tiny nation of South Canada has announced the formation of an official navy, launching their first three warships on Thursday. Many were surprised at the idea of a South Canadian navy, as South Canada is a landlocked country and does not even contain one lake. The Mississquoi River does flow through South Canada, but the country otherwise has no water access.
“We got Guillmettes Pond,” said Brad Wetherby, Secretary of Defense. “And the river is important for our defense. Of course we’re not really using the river for the navy. When you’re in a tough situation, geographically, you have to get creative. That’s why I’ve added wheels to all our boats. We’re gonna have the first ground navy in history, and you can bet nobody’s gonna mess with us when the see our battleships rolling towards ’em. Boom! They’ll get a Wetherby Special! That’s what I call it when we blow somebody up.”
The first three ships in the fleet have been christened the S.C.S. Bedard, the S.C.S. Wetherby, and the S.C.S. Wetherby Special by a defense committee that included the secretary of defense and “other people, that’s classified, but there were other people there,” according to Wetherby.