A Sheepish Bernie Sanders Attempts to Return His Tax Refund to the US Government

BURLINGTON – Reports have come in that US Senator and presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders has received a larger than usual tax refund and is attempting to give the money back to government. Staffers were heard making phone calls to the IRS, asking where the office of unwanted refunds could be found.

“Bernie’s really embarrassed,” said staffer Sasha Lysom, who refused to give her name but was easily found on social media. “Now that he’s a millionaire, he’s been getting all of these tax perks, and it turns out he doesn’t actually need to pay taxes anymore on account of having money. The way the tax code has been amended under President Trump, only people without any money are ever required to pay anything. So now Bernie’s got this huge refund, but he’s promised to release his tax returns, and he obviously can’t have that showing up on there, so he’s trying to give the money back to the government.”

Sanders’ initial plan was to just not cash the refund check, but the IRS direct deposited the money into his bank account, and he has so far been unable to get rid of the damaging funds.

“To be honest,” said IRS agent Dewey Cheathem, “this has never come up before. We don’t really have a way to process unwanted refunds. Most people generally like having money. We’ve been having some discussions around the office about how to handle this, and so far the best idea has been to put out a tip jar at the reception desk.”

“I will not accept this money!” Sanders shouted crustily at a rally Monday morning. “The Trump administration has done more damage to our economy, our planet, our nation, and our world, than any administration in history. They must be stopped! I wish I could give them my entire paycheck.”

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