CityPlace Developers Reveal New, Scaled Back Plan for Single-Family Home

BURLINGTON – The protesters in Burlington, who have spent the past few years railing against the 14 story “monstrosity” planned for the center of downtown, will sleep a little easier now that Brookfield has significantly scaled back their plans for the property. At a city council meeting last evening the developer announced it was scrapping the old model, instead focusing on building a single-family home to be occupied by minority partner Don Sinex.

The plans presented at the meeting showed a beautiful three-story New England Cape with a gabled roof, a large central chimney, and enormous picture windows dotting the outside of the 7800 square foot home. A sizable yard was also pictured, including a topiary garden and central fountain. The portion of the property that touches Church Street will become a Red Lobster.

“We’re really excited about this new plan,” said Brookfield representative Betty Kent Stoppus. “It’s going to be much less expensive than the affordable housing and parking lots included in the old plan. We already have the financing for it, and I just love those cheddar biscuits that you can’t really get around here right now. Yes, I’m aware you can go to Hannaford and buy Red Lobster biscuit mix, but it’s just not the same when you make them at home.”

Burlington Mayor Miro Weinberger expressed surprise and disappointment at the proposal, saying that it was an extreme departure from previous discussions.

“I honestly can’t believe this right now,” he said. “They never at all approached me about this. I would have loved to be involved. Don Sinex? Really? Why does he get dibs on the property? They should have at least asked me if I was interested in living there before signing anything with Don.”

Residents of Burlington are, as usual, split over the news, with some decrying the loss of the planned affordable housing, and others getting ready for those cheddar biscuits. Locals are not united yet over how exactly to protest this new plan, but have given the press assurances that, once they come to a consensus over what is very specifically wrong with it, they will be in the streets with signs, shouting and singing angrily.

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1 Comment

  1. Perfect! Look at all the open space and grass for pitching tents. And there’s room for latrines, too. I just hope they decide to go with the traditional latrines, you know, over a hole in the ground? So traditionally Vermont, and it would really lend an aura of verisimilitude. They could do what my grandfather did: dig a new hole about 20 feet away and skid the latrine over, then plant a tree. Four problems solved all at once. Brilliant!

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