WASHINGTON – Showing a level of disrespect to our nation’s veterans not seen since he literally stole two millions dollars from a veterans charity event and used it to finance his political campaign, temporary US President Donald Trump has now proposed renaming Veterans Day to “4-F Day.” In a leaked White House memo, Temporary President (TP) Trump suggests honoring those who really, really wanted to serve, but were unable to do so for reasons of cowardice, disloyalty, and falsified medical records.
“Veterans Day, is that still a thing? I saw a budget item for celebration of it, but have diverted those funds to my reelection campaign where they will be better used. Better idea for Veterans Day: 4-F Day. Some of us feel bad when we see all the veterans being thanked, and we don’t get any of the thanks. Is it our fault we were literally the best at draft dodging? Why am I being punished by having to sit through all these boring parades? Where’s my day?“
– Internal White House Memo
Trump responded to the release of the memo by declaring the person who leaked it to be “disloyal” to America and its veterans.
“Today of all days,” TP Trump said, “they would release that memo. I mean, seriously folks, how disrespectful can you get? Why would they want to upset our great service men and other men with this nonsense? And for the record, it was a joke. The whole thing was a joke, and if I have to explain that to you, I guess you’re dumber than I thought. A joke people! Unless you thought it was a good idea…? Did anyone read that and think it was a good idea? I mean, obviously I was joking, but, I mean, if you guys want to do it…”
The nation’s veterans have not collectively given a response to the memo, although we did speak with one local veteran of the Gulf War, who did have one comment.
“Boring parade? I think he misspelled ‘booing parade,’ because ain’t no way any veteran’s gonna support him after what’s he’s done to us. If Captain Bone Spurs wants to throw himself a parade, that’s fine. But me and my 18 million friends aren’t going to forget all the ‘help’ he’s given us over the years. Turns out, he’s the kind of guy we all spent a lot of years training to take down. So yeah, I love it when people thank me for my service, but I gotta tell you, it ain’t done yet.”
SAD! SO SAD! First they complain about being sent to a little war just because it was wrong. Then they can’t take my jokes! Everybody says that some of them are very very bad people. I don’t like whiners. I like draft dodgers. My draft experience made me what I am today. Those vets are traitors! They should be tried in MY supreme court!
Many people are saying that I had the best scheme for dodging military service. Bone spurs! Best excuse ever! And whose idea was it to purchase the diagnosis from a doctor I had never seen? Mine! It was brilliant! I mean, take a look at the other people’s excuses. They’re so lame and unconvincing compared to mine. I’m the best draft dodger! My ratings among draft dodger voters are through the roof! I’m a winner!
No one talks about the pain of bone spurs, especially when they’re worn by a Russian hooker riding me bareback! My country, how I’ve suffered for you!