WINOOSKI – Children around the state are celebrating today, after the Walt Disney Company blasted the Northeast with wind and snow in order to create buzz for their new streaming service. Disney Plus launched today and, while numbers were expected to be though the roof, company execs didn’t want to take any chances.
Disney acquired the weather through a recent merger/acquisition plan with God, in which God will still hold the majority share of heaven and the universe, but Disney will control the weather, gravity, and infectious diseases, many of which they are planning on retiring to the Disney Vault to create future anticipation. God will also gain a seat on Disney’s board of directors.
“We’re really excited about how well this is working,” said Disney marketing VP Milburn Pennybags. “It’s launch day, and there were going to potentially be up to eight hours of that day during which kids were not going to be able to take advantage of our exclusive premium content. But now the kids will be able to spend the entire day glued to their screens, watching classic Disney programs, Marvel movies and series, and our new Star Wars live action program The Mandalorian, available now!”
Some Vermonters are questioning the move, wondering if something like the weather can be trusted to a corporation. The Vermont court system says there are not currently any laws prohibiting the creation of snowstorms for business purposes, although the Progressive Party is looking into how to restrict such action in the future.
“Obviously this is an issue that needs to be dealt with,” said party spokesperson Mike Morlaws. “We can’t have corporations in Vermont just, um, wow, hold on, do they really have every episode of The Simpsons on here? Oh man, and the X-Men animated series? I’m gonna have to call you back.”