Sleep Scientists Lobby For Holiday Where Everyone Takes a Long Nap

BROOKFIELD – Researchers at the Brookfield Facility for the Fatigued (BFF) are pushing Vermont to recognize a new holiday – one that would recognize and celebrate the importance of sleep. With Thanksgiving just behind us, sleep scientists are saying it is long past time we began to give sleep its due.

The “Day of Rest,’ as it is tentatively being called, would simply involve giving everyone in the state one extra day off per year to sleep in, take naps, doze off, and hit the sack early. The BFF scientists claim that sleep is a vital function that Americans do not take seriously enough, and that the holiday could also be used to create awareness, as well as the more generalized lack of awareness that they are promoting.

“Sleep is actually the most important thing you can do for yourself,” said Dr. David Eam, of the BFF. “You can go a lot longer without food than you can without sleep, and yet we have a whole day every year to celebrate eating as much as possible. Why not sleep?”

Dr. Eam’s proposal does not have the full support of the state legislature, despite being endorsed by all of his BFF colleagues. Some do not believe that an extra day of sleeping is necessary, and that it could create a dip in the economy if people started to get enough rest.

“We already have the weekend,” claimed Sen. Cal Feene (R-Orange). “Why can’t people just sleep in on Saturday? Plus we have a holiday dedicated to sleeping with people, and it’s coming up on February 14th. If you want to sleep with your loved ones, I would advise doing it then. If people start sleeping at night, how will that affect those infomercial people? No, this is a bad idea.”

Studies show that driving tired is as dangerous as driving drunk, and Dr. Eam presented these findings in his proposal for the new holiday. Many Vermonters work several jobs and do not get enough sleep each night although, like individuals who are drunk, they often overestimate their own abilities to function while sleep-deprived.

“Hey, I’m fine!” shouted one angry man in the Starbucks line. “I get four hours a night, and I don’t need more than that! Just another coff of cuppee and I’m fine. Don’t tell me what I need! I gotta get to work. My first job only barely pays for my rent.”

“People don’t know how much they need the catch-up day of sleep,” Dr. Eam claimed. “Or if they do, they can’t justify it because they have so much else to do. So why not give them a day to do it? It won’t hurt the economy. Let them sell cards, for goodness’ sake. Happy Napsgiving, or whatever. Oh, I mean ‘Day of Rest.’ I originally wanted to call it Napsgiving, or Thanksleeping, but apparently I was told there are copyright issues or something.”

If the Day of Rest is approved, which does not look likely, Dr. Eam is recommending that the day take place in August, when it is “warm enough to nap in the sun, and also because there are no other good holidays during that month, and it kind of needs one.”

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