State Police To Be Equipped With Body Camcorders

MONTPELIER – Amid complaints about cloud storage costs for law enforcement body cameras, State Police spokesperson Red Lighter announced that a more economical solution has been found.  Vintage Cannon handheld VCR cassette cameras will be issued to all State Troopers.

“We can pick them up at yard sales and salvage shops for very little expense,” Lighter stated. “Troopers would be encouraged to stop at yard sales and see if cameras are for sale or in those free boxes.  That’s what we like to call Community Contact Policing.” 

When asked about the savings that should have come from recent PSAP closures, with funds designated towards state-of-the-art body cameras, Public Safety Commissioner Flint Locke interjected saying, “Brasso is expensive; we had to prioritize.” He then immediately left the room, saying he was late for a Zoom conference on mustache grooming.

House Speaker Picker Paquette offered to start a Go-Fund- Me to support the purchase of the vintage cameras.  Paquette also encouraged other lawmakers to donate surplus Brasso to the Troopers. “If we don’t look good,, we don’t feel good, and if we don’t feel good, we don’t work good.”

The local Cops With Cams Facebook Group immediately lauded the initiative.  Group Manager Phy Beta, a retired Buel’s Gore Constable of 40 years, offered online courses in how to operate the vintage cameras as they are many decades older than the majority of the Troopers they will be issued to.

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  1. Statues and monuments to replace the 19th century beaters will be sold in high class auctions to fund the new mecca for freaky.

  2. The next phase of no police combined with fewer Caucasians means racism will be yellow on black, brown on black, black on black. At least it will get real alot faster and everybody gets to keep their guns. Then Caucasians will be asked to step in to restore order.

  3. Latest News On Defunding Police

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