Jared Kushner Purchases Burlington Telecom, Immediately Files For Bankruptcy
BURLINGTON – Following the sudden exits of other potential bidders, the Burlington City Council has made the decision to sell Burlington Telecom to real estate […]
Burlington
Church Street Struggles to Cope With Entire Protest-Free Day
BURLINGTON – Business owners on Church Street were left struggling yesterday after the cancellation of the “March For Justice” organized by civic group “Vermonters For […]
Local Evangelical Churches to Begin Hosting Dungeons and Dragons Games
WINOOSKI – Several area churches have teamed up in a new campaign to get a more diverse crowd through their doors. The pastors have started […]
Vermont Cows Call For Ice Cream Boycott
SOUTH BURLINGTON – Eleven cows from a local dairy farm are picketing the Ben & Jerry’s Vermont headquarters calling for an immediate boycott on all […]
Dihydrogen Monoxide Contamination in Lake Champlain
COLCHESTER – A new study released this week confirms that Lake Champlain is severely contaminated with dihydrogen monoxide, and likely has been for some time. […]
Burlington School Board Eliminates Teachers Entirely, Asks City for 300 Robots
BURLINGTON – The Burlington School Board has asked the city for a bond of $12M to aid in the purchasing of up to 300 teaching […]
Hypocritical Buses Promote Seatbelts as Passengers Flounce Unrestrained
BURLINGTON – In a bizarrely passive aggressive move by Green Mountain Transit, many Chittenden County buses are now displaying messages that read “Seatbelts Save Lives,” […]
UVM to Provide Hi-Tech Shades for Short-Sighted President
BURLINGTON – According to leaked classified documents, the University of Vermont Medical Center may be announcing a collaboration between its Department of Ophthalmology and The […]
Lake Monsters Promotional Giveaway Causes Confusion
BURLINGTON – Centennial field became a temporary junkyard Sunday evening as fans confused over the evening’s special promotion tried to drop off bins and boxes […]
Tornado Drops House of Kansas Republican Onto Burlington
BURLINGTON – In a freak twist of nature, a tornado swept across the country this week, carrying debris from as far away as New Mexico […]