SOUTH BURLINGTON – President Trump, responding to criticism from Vermonters regarding the plan to base F-35 jets in South Burlington, has announced a new mission for the Air National Guard that will eliminate the noisy fighters and replace them with much louder Space Attack Vehicles (SAVs).<\/p>\n
These SAVs are expected to be based at the Burlington International Airport no later than 2021 and will have a maximum sound level of 178 dBA at takeoff, more than 64 times louder than the cancelled F-35s. Sound volumes at this level will render all of Chittenden County uninhabitable, but Burlington Mayor Miro Weinberger feels that this is a small price to pay for a move that will save dozens of jobs, and also, as Weinbeger said in a press briefing, “Spaceships!”<\/p>\n
Chittenden County residents are not happy with the plan, which will cause the loss of their homes and jobs, but rural Vermonters give the SAVs a 72% approval rating, most often citing “potential space war with New Hampshire” as their reason for welcoming the new mission. Space Guard members themselves approve of the plan unanimously, with 100% identifying as “very happy” with the SAVs. Out of those 100% who identified as “very happy,” 82% gave a reason of “Spaceships!”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"