BURLINGTON – In an effort to stem the spread of the coronavirus, the University of Vermont and the administration of Burlington Mayor Miro Weinburger are working together to offer free marijuana to UVM students as they begin their return to Burlington. The free weed will be offered as an incentive to complete the 14-day stay at home quarantine required of out-of-state-students returning to Vermont. This new initiative, which officials are calling Baked in Burlington, was announced at a virtual news conference attended by Mayor Weinburger and UVM President Suresh Garimella. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cLook, we get it,\u201d said Weinburger at the briefing. \u201cIt\u2019s difficult to sit in your crummy little apartment with your six roommates for an entire two weeks. That\u2019s why we\u2019re offerring a care package to all returning students that will include masks and hygiene supplies, and as an added incentive, a quarter ounce of weed per person per day.\u201d Weinburger added that students who successfully competed the stay-at-home program will be given an additional two ounces at the end of the fourteen period. \u201cThis is really awesome weed. Primo stuff. We recommend everyone now stay at home, shelter in place, and get totally baked.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe understand,\u201d President Garimella concurred. \u201cYou want to hang out in Burlington for the summer, party with your friends, maybe pass out on the beach a time or two. But these are not ordinary times and we need your help in keeping the virus at bay. Besides,\u201d he continued, firing up a blunt and letting the smoke obscure his tiny video head on this reporter\u2019s laptop screen, \u201cthis is really awesome weed.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When asked whether the program would be extended into the fall semester when more students are slated to arrive, Garimella shrugged his shoulders and said, \u201cWell, there won\u2019t be any classes or other activities, so probably.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Burlington Police Department will conduct \u201cHey, are you stoned\u201d patrols during the first few days of the move-in period to ensure that everyone is partaking, Weinberger said. Officers will also be educating students to ensure they’re “aware of the incentive program” the mayor said. He added that students preferring not to smoke will be offered a range of edible products, including the Mayor\u2019s personal brownie recipe. \u201cPretty much how I make it through those long council meetings, \u201c the Mayor explained.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No city funds would be used on the project, the Mayor added. \u201cUVM is footing the entire bill, and we are grateful to them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe\u2019ll likely cut non-tenured faculty salaries another five percent or so, \u201cPresident Garimella chimed in. \u201cSo really not a big deal, bottom line, for the university.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When informed of the new initiative, UVM senior Kyle Bonger voiced his approval. \u201cTotally awesome,\u201d the seemingly already-stoned senior from Rhode Island said as he unloaded his SUV in front of his Greene St. apartment, adding \u201cBurlington is such a great place in the summer.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In other news, Farrell Distributing announced a program supplying free kegs to returning students, in exchange for promises to not litter lawns and sidewalks with those red plastic beer cups.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"