BURLINGTON – Colleges across America are experiencing a significant reduction in opportunities for the traditional intermingling of the various genders. Dances called off; mixers postponed indefinitely. There is a general sense of romantic malaise that has hit the campus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe relationships (wink) are what you come to college for,\u201d explained coed Margo Lippo, a sophomore at the University of Vermont who hails from Virginia. \u201cIf I wanted an education I could stay home and read books!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt\u2019s impossible to know if I am attracted to any of them,\u201d laments Justin Mankle, who describes himself as a \u201cfrustrated freshman\u201d at St. Michael\u2019s College in Winooski. \u201cIt like that song my grandmother used to talk about \u2013 it ain\u2019t in their eyes!<\/a> I mean, I can understand not being able to wander around campus topless, you know, especially at a religious school; but this is ridiculous.\u201d Mankle points to the mask covering his nose and mouth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The pent-up frustration is felt and expressed by homo, hetero and trans students alike and is generating an increased number of young people seeking mental health assistance. \u201cI don\u2019t know how long we are going to be able to sustain this level of distancing and mask-wearing,\u201d says a concerned counselor at Champlain College. \u201cForget about kissing, making out, or other more intimate expressions of affection. These kids can\u2019t even shake hands with each other!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The University of New Hampshire at Durham recently posted disturbing photos of students slow dancing \u2013 six feet apart with arms around imaginary partners. Four male students had to be taken to the University Health Center after they fell forward on their faces, so lost in the fantasy of the dance they forgot there was no one to lean against. The University has since banned all intimate gatherings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Another side-effect of the current reality happens when those few students who do decide to flout safety guidelines take their dates home and remove their masks for the first time. Many college students are reporting that their partners are less attractive from the nose down than they had previously imagined. “I’ve taken three girls home,” complained local sophomore Hal Lowe, “and every time we settle down on the couch and take our masks off, it just kills the mood. At least that’s what they keep telling me.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n College administrators are concerned for the rest of the year. \u201cI hate to think what it\u2019s going to be like around here come Valentine\u2019s Day,\u201d said UVM\u2019s President Suresh Garimella, who did not respond to the rumors the school may intentionally cause a power outage in mid-February.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"