South Burlington Group Proposes Changing Team Names to “The Clansmen”

SOUTH BURLINGTON – A South Burlington community group calling itself the “Rebels Way Towards the Future” has proposed changing the names of the local high school and middle school teams from “The Rebels” to “The Clansmen.” There has been some recent controversy over the Rebel name and its ties to the civil war and the confederate flag. Group leader Jim Vicious spoke with The Winooski about the reasons for the proposed change.

“Look, we get that people are upset about the Rebel name,” Vicious admitted. “So we need a new name, but it has to be a compromise. It has to be a totally original team name, separate from the Rebels, while still maintaining that ‘is it racist?’ feel. We think The Clansmen fits the bill. It’s not spelled with a ‘K’ like some other, more negative clans, but rather with a ‘C’ like the popular app ‘Clash of Clans.’ Is ‘Clash of Clans’ racist? Of course not! But could it be if you wanted it to be? Absolutely. It’s a win-win.”

The Rebels Way Towards the Future, or “Rebels WTF,” showed a strong presence at the South Burlington school board meeting last week. Fourteen members of Rebels WTF attended and presented comments such as “Clans are groups of people with tight bonds! This name means unity!” and “Why didn’t you respond to my e-mail about the Clansmen? You should have checked your spam folder!”

South Burlington school superintendent reminded those in attendance that “The Clansmen” is the name of a popular bagpipe ensemble in Saskatchewan, and that the proposal could lead to confusion. When asked whether Rebels WTF members would support the school budget in the upcoming special election, Vicious replied “Absolutely, as long as we get our way.”

The school budget is expected to pass, barring any last minute negative campaigning from “People Offended Upsetting Things” (POUT) or “The Association of Naysayers, Troublemakers, Ruiners, Underminers, and Moaners.” (TANTRUM)

Other team names proposed at the meeting include “The Snowflakes,” “The Minstrels,” and “Teamy McTeamface.”