VT Route 11 Deteriorating Due to Crumple-Horned Snorkack, Officials Say

LONDONDERRY – Frustration has been expressed by residents of Windham Country in southern Vermont, thanks to new information coming from the governor’s office. VT Route 11, especially between Londonderry and Chester, has fallen into almost total disrepair, and the local citizens have now been told that the damage is the work of a Crumple-Horned Snorkack.

“Look, I have several problems with the response from the state,” said Londonderry town clerk Kelly Pajala. “First of all, the road has been deteriorating for years, clearly due to the harsh winters and poor maintenance. Secondly, I feel that this is Montpelier’s way of shrugging off responsibility for a problem that they clearly need to address within this fiscal year. And also, and perhaps most importantly, Crumple-Horned Snorkacks don’t exist.”

When pressed for evidence as to the existence of these possibly mythical creatures, Vermont Highways Maintenance and Operations Bureau Director Scott “Xenophilius ” Rogers stated “I tell you they’re real! As real as you, or me, or a Nargle! And as everyone knows, the best thing to do when you’ve got a Crumple-Horned Snarkack tearing up your roads is to let it finish and leave on its own terms. My plan is to revisit this issue in three years, and make a more informed decision at that time.”

Pajala was not pleased with this answer. “I can’t wait three years to go to work!” she said. “I don’t think any of our cars are going to survive even one more year of these conditions! And, again, I must impress upon you the non-existence of the Crumple-Horned Snarkack.”