The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Month: June 2017

Vermont Begins Using Popular Slang to Attract Young People

June 30, 2017 The Winooski 0

VERMONT – The state of Vermont, in a desperate attempt to attract young people to live and work within its borders, has begun spicing up […]

Traffic in Barre Backed Up to Montpelier as Drivers Allow Pedestrians to Cross

June 29, 2017 The Winooski 0

BARRE – Traffic this morning has come to a complete standstill in Barre, with vehicles packed bumper-to-bumper all the way from Grakles antiques on Main […]

Wilmington Shop Installs Sign that Smells Like Donuts

June 28, 2017 The Winooski 3

WILMINGTON – A controversial sign has been installed in front of the Dunkin’ Donuts currently under construction on East Main Street in Wilmington. After the […]

Vermont Institutes Travel Ban For Residents of Six States Known to Produce Terrorists

June 27, 2017 The Winooski 156

MONTPELIER – Gov. Phil Scott signed legislation late yesterday afternoon that would effectively ban residents of six states from entering Vermont. Gov. Scott denied that […]

Camel’s Hump to Add Third Hump

June 26, 2017 The Winooski 7

HUNTINGTON – In a bid to increase tourism, popular Vermont mountain Camel’s Hump has announced this week that it will add a third hump. Currently […]

Syrup & Cows #003 – 6/25/17

June 25, 2017 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

SURVEY: Many Vermonters Unable to Identify Satire

June 24, 2017 The Winooski 3

WINOOSKI – In an unscientific survey taken by extremely popular, successful, and good-looking media outlet The Winooski, it was revealed that a large number of Vermonters […]

Nonpartisan “Campaign For Vermont” Unites Both Republicans and Conservatives

June 23, 2017 The Winooski 1

BURLINGTON – It can be hard to reach across the aisle in today’s divided political climate, but that hasn’t stopped “Campaign For Vermont,” an advocacy […]

Phoenix Books Burns to the Ground, Is Immediately Rebuilt

June 22, 2017 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – Popular local book store Phoenix Books burned to the ground last night in what eyewitnesses call a “truly horrific fire.” The entire building […]

Local Bears Encourage Composting

June 21, 2017 The Winooski 3

WAITSFIELD – A group of Mad River Valley bears has come out in support of composting this week, encouraging local residents to collect as much […]

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