RUTLAND – Federal buildings across the state of Vermont are refusing to hang up the pictures of the current U.S. president that were never sent to them. Their refusal to display the non-existent images of both the president and the vice-president are a slap in the face to an administration that consistently fails to accomplish the most basic job tasks and then lies vigorously about it.
“It’s ridiculous,” says Anthony Scaramucci, the new White House communications director. “The federal employees in Vermont, and by federal I mean that they personally work directly for the president and must pledge loyalty to him above all others, are risking serious consequences by not hanging the magnificent presidential pictures that were not provided to them. It’s basically treason. And if anybody knows what treason is, it’s the Trump White House.”
“I’d be happy to hang the pictures, once we receive them,” insists Rutland federal court employee Walter Burf. “I got nothing against a photo of the guy. Maybe if he hadn’t banned photographers from the White House, we’d have a better chance at getting a portrait of him. For now we’ve hung up this picture of Garfield the cat, and this other one that my nephew drew in art class of a marble Greek statue. So far I don’t think anyone’s noticed.”
Scaramucci told reporters that any federal building not in compliance with an executive order signed yesterday, declaring that the portraits must be hung regardless of existential status, will lose funding and be re-opened as a casino.
Oh yes, your majesty! Right away, sir!