CHARLOTTE – It was a lonely and confusing weekend for white supremacist Raymond Cyst. After misreading an e-mail sent out to his various alt-right hate groups, Cyst, an Ohio native, loaded up his car with Nazi armbands and confederate flags, made a few signs, and set his GPS for Charlotte, VT. The rest of his terrorist cell arrived in Charlottesville, VA as planned, leaving Cyst as the lone hate monger in the small Vermont town of just under 4,000 residents.
“I did think it was a little odd, him walking up and down Church Hill Road by himself with that ‘Go Home’ sign,” said Charlotte resident Mary Swanson. “At first I thought he was hitchhiking or something, you know, trying to go home, and I offered him some coffee. He said he did want the coffee, but when I asked him if he liked it black, he sort of got all angry again and walked away. If you see him again, tell him the offer still stands, and we have plenty of coffee.”
Cyst was later seen in the vicinity of Adam’s Berry Farm, where he was joined by one other man who has been identified as Cyrus “Big” Ott, who lives in Starksboro. The two of them were heard chanting “Go back to Canada,” and Cyst was seen holding a tiki torch while Ott held up a 1995 Black & Decker snake light.
“Yeah, I talked to Big about it,” a man identifying himself only as a friend of Ott’s told The Winooski. “He heard there was a protest going on, and Big sure hates the idea of those Canadians coming down and taking our women. You know Big’s old girl married one of them Canadians, and he never recovered, far as I can tell. Anyway, Big goes up to this Ray fellow and says that up here, we got us a Canadian problem. And he got Ray on board, and the two of them started letting those Canadians know what the real Americans think of them. Specifically that one Canadian, Louis Thibault, who went and married Big’s sweetheart. Not sure about the other Canadians, but Louis is a real jerk according to Big.”
After two days of his marching around Charlotte, many local residents started bring Cyst food and blankets and asking if there was anything else they could do to make him less shouty. Initially Cyst had resisted any aid offered to him by women or members of minority groups, but by Sunday morning he had taken off his swastikas and was seen sitting outside of Little Garden Market eating and talking with representatives from Vermont’s BLM chapter and members of the refugee community who had heard about his actions and had come down from Burlington to counter-protest. Local police were on stand by, but were not called in as there were no violent incidents. The meeting at Little Garden Market ended in smiles and hugs.
Cyst has reportedly left Vermont and returned to Ohio, but has expressed his intentions to move to Charlotte permanently.
ok…and this is a member of the “Master Race” ?
If that’s the race he’s in, I think he just lost.
This is satire, right? Love this story. Wish it were true.
Yup. But we wish it were true too.
Awesome! Keep up the good work guys!