South Canada Teeters on Brink of Civil War

SOUTH CANADA – After video surveillance footage surfaced of South Canadian Treasury Secretary Alan Fletcher planting explosives at the UTC Plant in Vergennes, VT, inner turmoil has arisen among the ranks of the country’s leadership as to how to proceed. Secretary of Defense Brad Wetherby has gone on record as saying that he believes Fletcher to be innocent, while Speaker of the House Madison James has called for Fletcher’s arrest and extradition to the United States.

South Canadian President Charlene “Skunk” Bedard has not weighed in on this growing dissension in the ranks and has not returned phone calls or emails. One reporter did manage to catch up to her outside Mac’s Market on Main Street, but her only comment was “Leave me alone, I’m hibernating.”

James has drafted a resolution with the full support of the other four members of Congress, asking the military to arrest and detain Fletcher, but Wetherby has ignored this completely, instead putting together a squad of his most experienced senior officers to go out and “track down the real criminals.”

Some citizens are suggesting that what Wetherby is doing is akin to a coup, and puts the whole country in danger from retaliation by the U.S. Others are more supportive, and have stated that they will stand by Wetherby and Fletcher, and will fight if they need to. The division seems to be split in precise correlation along lines of how much people like Fletcher personally. Out of those surveyed, 100% of those who responded “Like Very Much” or “He’s alright,” to a question about Fletcher also responded that they would side with Wetherby. Conversely, 100% of responders who chose “Not a huge fan” or “Hate the guy” indicated that they would side with James.

As of this morning, James has issued a order for the arrest of Brad Wetherby, although no one believes that she has the authority to do so. And whether or not she does, Wetherby is nowhere to be found. Sources suggest that he has left the country with two other associates in an apparent attempt to exonerate Fletcher. If he returns, he may not have a warm welcome waiting for him.

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