Gov. Scott Orders Military Parade Similar to Montreal’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade

MONTPELIER – Vermont Governor Phil Scott has reportedly asked the state to organize a military show-of-force that would emphasize his supreme gubernatorial power, and insists that this  fragile display of ego-stroking be as similar as possible to the Montreal St. Patrick’s Day Parade, which Scott once called “one of the greatest parades” he had ever seen.

Vermont is not known globally as a military power, but Scott hopes to change all that using one thing that the state is known for: the color green. According to sources inside the statehouse, preliminary parade plans would include use of the fighter jets stationed in South Burlington, as well as the tanks of the 86th Infantry Brigade Combat Team, all of which would be painted bright green for the event.

While the list of parade participants is not yet finalized, a partial roster includes:

  • F-16 Fighter Jets, painted green and spraying Lucky Charms cereal over the crowd
  • Members of the Army Mountain Warfare School doing Celtic dance
  • The 86th Infantry Brigade Combat Team riding tanks decked out as floats celebrating Ireland
  • SD Ireland Cement trucks decked out as floats celebrating the 86th Infantry Brigade Combat Team
  • The officers of the Burlington Coast Guard Station playing fife and drum music
  • Members of the Vermont National Guard carrying as many weapons as they can hold without dropping any
  • Mounted police officers dressed as leprechauns
  • Gov. Scott on the back of a flatbed truck singing a duet with a hologram of Prince

The parade route will be made available once final details have been hammered out.