SOUTH CANADA – The members of the South Canadian Olympic luge team are being hailed as heroes after a stunning comeback in PyeongChang this week. The team came in dead last in their event, but managed to bring home a medal in an entirely different sport when one member ended up in the wrong place at the right time.
Rick Hickory, captain of the luge team, explained to press after the event how he came to win the first ever Olympic medal for the tiny country of South Canada.
“First off, I thought we’d be better at luging,” Hickory said. “It’s actually a ton harder than it looks like on the TV. I did my slide, and then I went upta the top again for another try, but I guess you don’t get another try, or at least they said I hadta wait till tomorrow, but I’d lugged my sled up the whole dang hill, so I was kinda pissed at ’em, and they told me to leave. So’s I left. Took my sled, which got all busted up on the luge track anyway, nice sled, got it at the Aubuchon in Enosburg Falls, and now it’s this scrap of a sled, and I was trynta get outta there, and I tripped over I don’t even know what, and I fell face first onta my busted sled, and before I knew it I was flying down some other hill. I was a bit scared at first, but actually I enjoyed the ride. Got the ol’ adrenaline going.”
Hickory had fallen into the skeleton track just as the Dominic Parsons, the Great Britain competitor, was about to start a run, and the rest is Olympic history. The timers started, Hickory flew forward on a thin piece of plastic, and 50.37 seconds later he was a bronze medalist. Parsons has no hard feelings for Hickory, and in fact the two shared a few drinks after the competition. Asked whether he will return to skeleton in four years in Beijing or stick with luge, Hickory told press, “I had a good time all around, and I might be a better forward slider, but no matter what event I end up in I’ll always be a big luger.”