Vermont Democrats Move Forward With Massive Handouts

BURLINGTON – Members of Vermont’s Democratic party, led by confirmed liberal and Burlington Mayor Miro Weinberger, engaged in a massive handout program on Tuesday, in which they literally began handing out free resources to anyone who walked in off the street. Items that were distributed in this orgy of socialism included food (ice cream, sugar cones, etc.), paper goods (napkins, bowls, cone wrappers, etc.), and subsidies (coupons, discount vouchers, etc.).

Once word began to spread that Weinberger was endorsing such a program, lines began to form around the block as lazy freeloaders left their jobs and educational opportunities in order to stand around for hours in the hopes of a free handout. Traffic was blocked, productivity ground to a halt, and yet the citizens danced and sang as they consumed resources that they had not earned, giving no thought to the monstrous blow that they were dealing to freedom and liberty.

Capitalism may still recover, given time and the proper re-education of the masses, although sources close to Weinberger have said that he plans to continue to program and will return next year to flush more of our precious economy down the drain in the form of this handout program. The mayor’s office has stated that no tax dollars were spent on these handouts, but rather that the expenses incurred would all be paid by one local business that started in a Burlington gas station some years ago. So the burden, once again, falls onto small local businesses. Democrats have shown no remorse for the disruption to the city or for the wasteful giveaway, instead choosing to participate themselves in draining us all dry, as they lick the blood, sweat, and triple caramel chunk from their stolen cones of irresponsibility.


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  1. OMGoodness. Brilliant. “burden…falls onto small businesses” My only quibble is that traffic wasn’t disrupted other than for those parking, as it was all on Church Street.

  2. I suppose Democrats are now responsible for the obesity epidemic as well, not to mention the burdens on the health care system. I’m surprised they didn’t try to raise taxes on their free giveaways.

  3. Can I have one of those handouts mailed to Florida. We have been stuck here all Winter! Cherry Garcia would be nice.

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