Front Porch Forum Users Unite to Aid Amphibious Mating

MIDDLESEX – Mating season has begun for the spring peepers and other amphibians across Vermont, and many local animal lovers are trying to help by using Front Porch Forum to encourage residents to lend a romantic hand, or flipper as the case may be.

What started out as a few posts asking drivers to watch for frogs, toads, and even some lizards, who might be crossing roads and highways in search of fertile mating ground, has evolved into a community of philotherians willing to do whatever it takes to ensure a successful mating season for our beloved amphibious and reptilian friends.

Some FPF listings include:

Romantic Poetry Reading for Toads – I will be holding an erotic poetry reading for toads this Wednesday night at 7 pm in Walter Kelley Park (next to the fire station) to get them in the mood for love. Bring your own toads, or find one in near the river, and come help set the mood for a deeper sensual amphibious connection.

Police Training for Peeper Sensitivity – Does anyone on here know if the police have done any peeper sensitivity training? I’ve seen a lot of little creatures crossing roads, and many cars stopping for them, but not every car. And I’ve even seen a few people get honked at for stopping their cars to whisper sweet nothings to the peepers as they cross. I worry that there isn’t enough of a police presence to keep these precious ones safe. Perhaps a community meeting can be set up to discuss concerns?

Mating Demonstrations – Let’s Show These Guys How to Do it! – With declining wildlife populations, many of us in town are worried that perhaps some of our amphibious friends aren’t sure how to procreate properly. So let’s show them, and have some fun while we’re at it! Bring a partner (of any gender) and join other couples as we demonstrate how to mate correctly. This will be done in the Mad River (it will be cold!) and we are sticking to sexual positions used by amphibians. Message me and I will send you a link with suggestions and other information, such as the time and date of this meet-up. No cops.

Biologists have confirmed that frog and toad populations are declining, but have not gone so far as to endorse any of these methods for increasing amphibian numbers. “We do have suggestions for people, in terms of preserving wildlife habitats, but whatever people want to do is great,” said one scientist. “We’re just glad people are excited about nature.”

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