SOUTH CANADA – Buses operated by Green Mountain Transit, connecting the nation of South Canada to employment sites in St. Albans, have been experiencing problems with their fareboxes. On the nostalgically named Richford/St. Albans Commuter, more and more South Canadian passengers have been trying to pay the $1 fare in dirt, rather than using US currency.
“At first, most of the riders still paid cash, or used a pass, since they were working at jobs in St. Albans and earning, you know, actual money,” said GMT driver Norman Lachauffeur. “But then word spread that South Canadians used dirt as money, and some of the riders started pouring a cup of dirt in the farebox instead of sliding in a dollar bill. Boy, did that really gum up the works! I had some arguments with the riders and had to cover the farebox to prevent them from dumping more dirt in. Eventually, I gave in and started carrying a bucket on the bus, so that they could dump their dirt in there, rather than in the farebox.”
Asked why he allowed riders who didn’t pay the fare onto the bus, Norman replied, “Well I guess in their minds they were paying the fare. It is another country, I suppose, though it looks pretty much the same as it did last year. It is pretty nice dirt they have there, and I use it in my garden, so I don’t mind.” Norman did not consider this stealing from GMT, because GMT did not consider the dirt to be worth anything. “As long as the farebox didn’t get gummed up with a lot of dirt, they didn’t seem to mind. They know it’s important that these South Canadians get to their jobs in St. Albans.”
Norman added, “Now some riders in Enosburg were wondering why there was a bucket of dirt on the bus, but I made up a story ’bout how I like to keep the worms I use for fishing in dirt, and that it makes them wigglier in the water if they ride on a bus, and they believed me! I gave a big wink to the South Canadians, and we were all good. So I think I single-handedly solved the problems with the fareboxes, and improved international relations. Not a bad day’s work!”
GMT officials had no comment, but did note that the farebox problem on the Richford/St. Albans Commuter had seemed to resolve itself.