Proctor School Asks for Soccer Field, Gets Turnip Field Due to Mis-Communication
RUTLAND – The Proctor High School boys’ and girls’ soccer coaches were shocked when they arrived on the first day of practice on what they thought […]
Month: September 2018
Syrup & Cows #066 – 9/9/18 – That’s Fair
Image Credits: Connor Byam.
Local Parents Publicly Shout Lies to Their Children
BURLINGTON – A group of local parents spent Saturday morning at a public park shouting lies to their children in front of a crowd of […]
Letter to the Editor of The Winooski From the Merpeople of Lake Champlain
Late Wednesday evening, human Burlingtonian and fan of The Winooski Ethel Merman discovered a notice scrawled on a piece of driftwood from our heretofore unknown ichthyoid […]
South Canadians Struggle to Choose Derogatory Nickname for Vermonters
SOUTH CANADA – When Vermonters travel to Mexico, they are “gringos,” and in England they are “yanks.” If they travel to southern states they are […]
Liberals Burn Their Ice Cream After Ben & Jerry’s Releases Mike Pence-Themed Flavor
SOUTH BURLINGTON – Ben and Jerry’s, considered by many to be a left-leaning company, has released a new ice cream flavor bearing the name and […]
Phil Scott to Identify as Transgender for the November Election
MONTPELIER – After a wave of national support for Vermont’s Democratic candidate for governor, current governor and Republican nominee Phil Scott has announced that he […]
Vermont Bird Watchers Discover New Type of Bird, Dubbed the “Jeezum Crow”
ADDISON – State ornithologist Robin Redd preempted local access television programming across the state yesterday to confirm what many Vermont natives have long suspected: that […]
Syrup & Cows #065 – 9/2/18 – Lookin’ Low
Image Credits: Connor Byam.
Following Vermont’s Lead, Trump Declares Moscow “U.S. Capitol For a Day”
WASHINGTON DC – Phil Scott, the Republican governor of Vermont, has been spending his summer traveling the state in what he calls the “Vermont Capitol […]