South Canada in Need of Doctors After Switching to “Zero Payer” Health Care System

SOUTH CANADA – If you live in the tiny country of South Canada and are in need of medical attention, there is good news and there is bad news. The good news is that your health care will be provided free of charge. The bad news is that you may have trouble finding a doctor or a nurse to help you after the country moved to a zero-payer system for health care earlier this month.

Treasury Secretary Alan E. Fletcher suggested the move, which was approved by the House on a Tuesday and subsequently approved by the Congress the next day during their session.

“I know people are trying to move from a complicated system in the U.S. to a single-payer system right now,” Fletcher said, “and it’s worked really well for every single nation that has ever tried it. But then I thought, we could do one better. If it’s easier and you get better service with a single-payer system, how much more effecient would it be if nobody paid for it! We eliminate the need for any payment at all! I think it’s going to work out brilliantly.”

Most South Canadians were in favor of the new system after it was passed, although one notable subset of the populatin that was opposed to the bill were those employed in the field of medicine. Doctors’ offices have been closing down at an alarming rate, and many South Canadians have had to sneak across the border to access the terrible health care in the United States.

“I understand that people are upset,” said Dr. Frederick Ugmule, “but we have to make a living. I’d resorted to selling prescriptions on the side that I had illegally imported from Canada and the U.S., and that’s no way to make a living. Now I’m a veterinarian, which people still have to pay for around here, at least for now.”

With the loss of Dr. Ugmule and others like him, the South Canadian government is offering a financial stipend to any foreign doctors who are willing to emigrate to their country and set up free clinics. Thousands of South American doctors began the journey to South Canada on foot to take advantage of this deal, but they have hit a few speedbumps on their journey, and so other medical professionals are being encouraged to apply at this time.

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