Vermont Somehow Manages to Get Even Whiter

WINOOSKI – Vermont was recently ranked as the 49th most racially diverse state, which out of fifty is not a great score. This led many to believe that the small New England State could not possibly get any whiter, but now reports are coming in that the state has gotten much whiter than it was, even yesterday. Whiteness is blanketing almost the entire state at this point, with drivers having trouble seeing the road because of the blinding glare from all of the whiteness.

“I could barely leave the house today, it’s so white,” said Winooski resident Diana Verste. “It’s pretty white around here a lot of the time, but today was just the worst.”

Officially are looking for ways to diversify the state, although some people say they prefer the whiteness. On the state’s Facebook page, commenters have suggested that if people don’t like all the whiteness in Vermont, they are free to move to Hawaii, ranked as the most racially diverse state. Others even suggest they moved to Vermont because of the whiteness.

The Trump administration is supporting diversity, with the EPA pledging that by 2050, there will be almost no whiteness left anywhere, due to their ad campaign that states “Vermont is Heating Up!” Whether or not their mission succeeds may largely depend on the next few years, and the results of the 2020 presidential election.

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