Vermont Billionaires Accused of Paying No Taxes in 2018

MONTPELIER – Vermont’s billionaires are being accused of not doing their part to help the state financially, after it was revealed this week that no tax revenue was generated in 2018 from any person in Vermont worth more than one billion dollars. Greedy Republicans, who predictably defended the richest in our society against these facts, claim that this is due to the fact that Vermont currently has zero billionaires in residence, but Democrats refuse to accept that as an excuse.

“We already know the top one percent aren’t doing their fair share,” said top Democratic leader Cameron Plane, “but to find that there is a group even above the one percent, the zero percent, who are doing even less? It’s unacceptable, and it’s time to eliminate all tax loopholes use by the zero percent to avoid pitching in and helping out their communities.”

The Winooski was unable to reach any of Vermont’s no billionaires for comment, but representatives for the zero percent were also unresponsive.

“I understand that some of my political frenemies are saying that the zero percent doesn’t even exist,” Plane said, “but with enough money you can get an unlisted phone number, and probably an unlisted address. With even more money, I don’t think it would be hard at all to disappear completely. So when people say to me, ‘Hey Cam, the zero percent doesn’t exist,’ I just laugh and shake my head. That’s what they want you to think.”

Vermont Democratic leader and Speaker of the House Mitzi Johnson confirms that there are currently no plans to introduce legislation concerning the state’s hidden illuminati, but adds that “It’s certainly something we would consider in the future if the opportunity arose.”