The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Month: January 2019

Bennington Middle Schoolers in Search of Investors for Start-Up

January 31, 2019 The Winooski 0

BENNINGTON – A group of five 7th and 8th graders from Bennington, VT has created a GoFundMe campaign in hopes of raising $200 to finance […]

2nd Largest Pot Dealer in Burlington Unfriends All Seven Days Employees

January 30, 2019 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON- Several employees of local newspaper Seven Days  were surprised to discover this morning that they had been unfriended and unfollowed by Burlington’s second largest pot […]

Vermonters Overwhelmingly Oppose US Border Wall, Support Vermont Border Wall

January 29, 2019 The Winooski 0

POWNAL – A new survey of Vermont residents indicates very low support for President Trump’s proposed border wall between the US and Mexico, however very […]

Gov. Scott Unable to Contact $10K Grant Recipients Due to Poor Cell Signal

January 28, 2019 The Winooski 0

BERLIN – Vermont made the news last year when Governor Phil Scott announced a $10K grant to out-of-state residents who might be willing to move […]

Syrup & Cows #086 – The Third One is Always the Worst

January 27, 2019 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Trump Pledges to Keep Government Open At Least Long Enough to Give SOTU Address

January 26, 2019 The Winooski 0

WASHINGTON DC – The longest shutdown in the history of the US Government is coming to a temporary close as President Trump agrees to three […]

Saint Michael’s College to Downsize and Merge With University of Phoenix Online

January 25, 2019 The Winooski 0

COLCHESTER – Following the news of the closure of Green Mountain College this week, a second Vermont college has announced it will scale back operations […]

Vermont Racists Frustrated Over Inability to Be Prosecuted

January 24, 2019 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – Concern has arisen among Vermont’s top racists after an announcement from state Attorney General TJ Donovan that he will not prosecute anyone involved […]

Gov. Scott Throws Out All Taxes That Do Not Spark Joy

January 23, 2019 The Winooski 1

MONTPELIER – Vermont Democrats were feeling concerned about budgetary matters this week, after Governor Phil Scott declared that he was going to eliminate any state […]

Third Grader Starts GoFundMe to Attend Stranger’s Birthday Party in Boston

January 22, 2019 The Winooski 0

HARDWICK – After accidentally receiving an invitation to a birthday party for a child he does not know, a local boy is receiving help from […]

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