UNDERHILL – In a stunning turnaround, a number of local children who had spent a good deal of time on the record as opposing outdoor playtime due to low temperatures are now refusing to return to their houses, claiming that it is not cold at all. This blatant hypocrisy has not gone unnoticed by their supervisors, who warn of dire consequences if the children do not abandon their new stance.
“You’re going to freeze to death!” shouted one supervisor into the cold and unfeeling abyss. “You’re going to miss dinner!” hollered another. “It’s dark out! How can you see?” wailed yet another from behind a slightly cracked door, vainly attempting to keep some of the warmth from escaping the area.
The children, when presented with video evidence of their earlier protests, continue to claim that they “never said that” or that it “isn’t that cold after all,” despite temperatures continuing to plummet. One child had clearly lost a mitten and yet insisted that their wet, red hand was not chilly one bit.
“We’ve tried luring them in with hot chocolate,” said one of the parents of the children, “but they said they haven’t finished with, I don’t even know what they said, something about saving a unicorn from a snow lizard or something like that.” There are rumors flying in every direction about the next course of action to be taken, ranging from brute force, to baking cookies and attempting to waft the smell out into the tundra.
At press time the children had pretended to come inside once, but only to get their sleds, and have still not returned for dinner. Which, according to rumors, may end up being pizza at this point.