A new study released this week shows that the current government shutdown has an approval rating of over 90% among current foreign operatives. Nearly one hundred dangerous individuals currently embedded in American society were interviewed and their opinions were overwhelmingly in favor of continuing the shutdown.
“Is good, da?” said John J. Johnson in a thick American accent. “I am super American. I love American. Government is very bad, da? Now Americans is free to have more freedom. No one checking food supplies. No one checking water supplies. Is no problems. Super freedom. Good America.”
A few operatives did show some concern over the shutdown, mentioning that it may go too far in their effort to take over the country. “We want it damaged, not destroyed,” said one woman wearing a t-shirt that read ‘Born in the U.S.A..’ “At this rate there may not be enough pieces left for us to pick up and put back together after the endgame.” When asked to clarify what she meant by ‘endgame” she quickly began talking about how excited she is for the upcoming Avengers sequel.
Almost four weeks in, and with no sign of a resolution, one highly placed foreign operative who wishes to remain anonymous bragged that it was “the best shutdown ever, longest shutdown in history,” and claimed that “nobody does shutdowns” like they do. They then opined at length about the number of electoral college votes received by Hillary Clinton in the 2016 election, while triumphantly gnawing on a cold Double Whopper with cheese.
Are you a hostile agent of a foreign government secretly here to help rip America apart? We’d love to speak with you! Please contact us at thewinooski@gmail.com
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