Gov. Scott Throws Out All Taxes That Do Not Spark Joy

MONTPELIER – Vermont Democrats were feeling concerned about budgetary matters this week, after Governor Phil Scott declared that he was going to eliminate any state taxes that did not “spark joy.” Advisors found the governor holding different tax bills to his chest, next to a large discard pile of energy-draining legislation.

“He (Gov. Scott) just finished cleaning out his house after watching some Netflix show,” said Attorney General TJ Donovan, “and now I guess they’re saying he’s going to clean out the state house as well. I’m just not sure he has the authority to do that.”

Sources inside the statehouse report that Gov. Scott is only willing to keep up to 30 taxes in the state at a time, as recommended by his new financial advisor, Netflix. Depending on which taxes spark the most joy, there is potential for a budget shortfall if any of the larger taxes are dissolved.

“I would like to reiterate once again that I am not involved with that show, and that I do not support the emotional removal of taxes, regardless of their spiritual energy,” said VT Secretary of State Jim Condos. “I don’t know Marie, we’re not related, and I don’t know when season 2 is coming out. Please stop asking me.”

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