BURLINGTON – Former newspaper The Burlington Free Press announced yesterday that it will officially be designated as a “blog with print option” from now on. They celebrated this change by reposting a story from two years ago as their lead news article on the front page of their print option, and have plans to recycle many old news stories in the near future.
“This is going to save us a lot of money,” said President Jim Fogler. “It has always seemed such a shame to me that our people write so many great articles and then we only get to use them once. Now people are going to have the chance to re-enjoy news from several years ago. Is it technically “news” anymore? No, but most people don’t know the difference. I had six people I know post on Facebook this week that Captain Kangaroo died, and he passed away in 2004! Nobody cares when the news is from, they just want to read it!”
The organization has not confirmed how long they intend to keep the print option alive, but did casually mention that it is hard to capture the essence of a GIF in newsprint. Current subscribers will continue to receive their papers, and Fogler says that they shouldn’t notice any difference at all, unless they are paying close attention.
This isn’t satire, it’s the truth – unvarnished!