Bernie Sanders Announces He Will Run For President as a Republican

COLCHESTER – Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders announced his 2020 bid for the presidency today on Vermont Public Radio. He promised that many things will be different from his previous 2016 campaign, most notably that he will now be running as a Republican.

“Look, let’s be honest, I was never a Democrat anyway,” Sanders told VPR. “Never joined the party, never had much in common with most of them in the first place. They’re just as much in the pocket of big business as the Republicans, only at least the Republicans are honest about it. They stab you right in the front. So I figured, hey, why not run as a Republican? I’m as much as Republican as I am a Democrat, and I’m sure as hell more of a Republican than Donald Trump.”

Reactions were mixed to the announcement, with many Democrats praising the announcement while others voiced concerns.

“I’m happy for him,” said Elizabeth Warren. “I can’t think of anything more perfect for this country than for Senator Sanders and I to be the final two choices on Election Day next year.”

“This is just stupid,” Nancy Pelosi said to staffers after she heard the announcement, “but we took him down as a Democrat, and we can take him down as a Republican.”

Members of the GOP were mostly confused, although some were worried about potential future impacts his run will have on the party. “You saw what happened to the Dems after he ran, didn’t you?” asked Senator Roy Blunt of Missouri. “Suddenly they all want to give people decent paying jobs and healthcare over there. What if he gets conservatives to start caring about people other than themselves? We could have a serious crisis within the party.”

Senator Sanders has not yet chosen a running mate, but says he is seriously considering opening it up to an online essay contest.

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