The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Month: February 2019

Zoning Committee Warns “Building Sidewalks Leads to Building Skyscrapers”

February 8, 2019 The Winooski 0

FAIRFIELD – The zoning committee in Fairfield has issued a dire warning to rural communities across the state, claiming that once they begin building sidewalks […]

Vermont White Supremacists Deface Tanning Salon in South Burlington

February 7, 2019 The Winooski 0

SOUTH BURLINGTON – Following the defacement of several buildings, including Ohavi Zedek Synagogue and the Pride Center of Vermont, a new target has been vandalized […]

Trump Announces New Initiative to Fight Social Climate Change

February 6, 2019 The Winooski 1

WASHINGTON DC – During his State of the Union address last evening, President Trump surprised many viewers by announcing a new focus on combating social […]

State of Vermont Sued By Hackers Guild for Terrible Internet Speeds

February 5, 2019 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – In what will prove to be a precedent setting case, no matter the result, the Hackers Guild has filed a suit against the […]

NFL Unable to Prevent Tom Brady From Obtaining the Soul Stone

February 4, 2019 The Winooski 0

ATLANTA – Despite a lackluster attempt to stop his team of villains, The Winooski can report that Thamos “Tom” Brady has acquired the Soul Stone, the […]

Syrup & Cows #087 – 2/3/19 – God’s Thermostat

February 3, 2019 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Town of Punxsutawney Hires Vampire Hunters After Groundhog Casts No Shadow in Bright Sunlight

February 2, 2019 The Winooski 0

PUNXSUTAWNEY – A scene of chaos, terror, and confusion unfolded in a small Pennsylvania town this morning after a local celebrity rodent failed to see […]

South Canada to Create Artificial Lake in Hopes of Luring Champ

February 1, 2019 The Winooski 0

SOUTH CANADA – As the legislative season begins in the minute nation of South Canada, a new bill was passed this week to create an […]

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