The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

  • Home
  • Vermont Life
    • Burlington
    • Montpelier
    • Southern Vermont
  • National
  • South Canada
  • Syrup & Cows
  • Contact

Month: March 2019

Syrup & Cows #095 – 3/31/19 – Discount Bin

March 31, 2019 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Vermont Farmers Fear For Their Lives After AI Becomes Sentient and Goes Rogue

March 30, 2019 The Winooski 0

NORTH FERRISBURGH – Local dairy farmers have had to flee their homes in fear after an artificial insemination machine gained sentience and began attempting to […]

Developer Abandons Burlington CityPlace, Plans Underwater “LakePlace” Complex

March 29, 2019 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – After years of planning, false starts, public opposition, and loss of financing, developer Don Sinex has confirmed his intention to abandon Burlington’s CityPlace […]

New Data Shows People Who Spend All Their Money Have Less Money Remaining

March 28, 2019 The Winooski 0

WINOOSKI – In a stunning revelation that is changing everything about how Americans look at finance, a new study released last week has shown that […]

Mueller Report Reportedly Confirms Trump Not a Witch

March 27, 2019 The Winooski 2

WASHINGTON – While the full public release of the report has been blocked by Mitch McConnell and Senate Republicans, those who have read the entire […]

Vermont Company Begins Selling Organic Tick Proteins

March 26, 2019 The Winooski 2

WEST DOVER – When Jason Cimex first began keeping ticks in his home, his friends and family thought he was going buggy, but now that […]

Burlington Passes Resolution Condemning Canada For Not Exporting as Much Marijuana as Mexico

March 25, 2019 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – Much praise was heaped on Burlington, VT’s police force last week at a town hall meeting to address the opioid crisis. With fewer […]

Syrup & Cows #094 – 3/24/19 – Origin Story

March 24, 2019 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

State Will Fill Quechee Gorge With Nearby Mountain at Request of Flatlanders

March 23, 2019 The Winooski 4

WOODSTOCK – Vermont will flatten Suicide Six this fall and use the rocks and soil to fill the Quechee Gorge. “This multibillion dollar effort will […]

Hell Completely Freezes Over For First Time Since 2015

March 22, 2019 The Winooski 1

UNDERWORLD – With the cold temperatures lasting longer than usual this winter, many have been looking forward to the sight of a completely frozen Hell […]

Posts navigation

1 2 … 4 »

The Winooski E-mail Updates!

Check out the best of The Winooski over at VTDigger!

Other Places to Find Us

  • View thewinooski’s profile on Facebook
  • View thefakewinooski’s profile on Twitter
  • View thewinooski’s profile on Instagram

Recent Posts

  • Texas Legislature Passes Emergency “Don’t Say Gun” Law May 25, 2022
  • Burlington Announces New High School To Be Built at 1 North Avenue August 19, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #207 – 5/24/21 – First Day Back May 24, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #206 – 5/16/21 – The Search Continues May 16, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #205 – 5/9/21 – Unrecognizable May 9, 2021

Recent Comments

  • Strangest Laws in Vermont - Liner Law on Six Weird Vermont Laws You Have to Read to Believe
  • 2inscrutable on Breaking News: Other States Also Have Weather
  • Robert on Six Weird Vermont Laws You Have to Read to Believe
  • Hugh Kidden on Burlington Announces New High School To Be Built at 1 North Avenue
  • Randy Fullam on Burlington Announces New High School To Be Built at 1 North Avenue

Back Issues

Copyright © 2022 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes