Vermont Moves to Rename Potholes as “Cannabis Holes”

MONTPELIER – Following a scathing news story by temporary actual news site The Winooski on Monday, the Vermont state legislature has taken up a bill that would rename potholes in the state and call them “Cannabis Holes” going forward. The suggestion, from reporter Calm Wyvern, was spurred by the lack of action in fixing the numerous road defects statewide, and the fact that, with marijuana being legal, the name “pot” isn’t as troubling as it once was.

“Nomenclature absolutely matters,” said House Speaker Mitzi Johnson. “Remember when everyone got all mad about ‘global warming’ every time it was cold out? Now we say ‘climate change.’ What we call people, and things, matters. If nobody’s going to fix these potholes, well, maybe we’ll get some money to fix the cannabis holes.”

Despite the potential name change, no additional funding is planned for road construction this year, although officials say that they are aware of the issues and are working to correct them. Johnson agrees that we need to give our workers the time that they need, but stressed that if work wasn’t started soon, she may be forced to change the name yet again, to “Flatlander Holes.”