Riot Breaks Out at City Market During Yoga Rush Hour

BURLINGTON – Burlington police were called to the scene of a massive riot that broke out at City Market’s downtown location yesterday when a case of aisle rage turned violent. One shopper was blocking an aisle, unable to decide which brand of organic cracker was the most eco-friendly, and was aggressively nudged by another shopper trying to get by.

Each of the two instigators was there with several friends, on their way back from different yoga classes, and the confrontation quickly escalated into what police are calling a “minor brawl.” Dozens of people were arrested after more than thirty minutes of police intervention.

“First of all, we tell people to avoid City Market during yoga rush hour,” said Burlington police officer Don Wardock. “It’s hard to navigate the store with all those yoga mats and the lines are more than twice as long as usual. Tensions are always high during those times just before or after all the yoga classes.

“We responded to several calls, mentioning assault and general disturbances. When I arrived there were people pulling hair, whacking at each other with the yoga mats, one lady was holding another lady under the kombucha spigot and basically waterboarding her with the kombucha. It was a mess. A lot of vegetables were thrown.”

No charges have yet been filed, although City Market board members are planning to meet with lawyers this week to discuss their options. No estimate for store damages have been released, but three people were treated for minor organic injuries at UVM Medical Center and then released. All those arrested have now been released at this time, due to Burlington’s lax policies surrounding public senselessness.

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