COLCHESTER – In yet another setback for local gas station overlord Skip Vallee, Vermont courts have ruled in favor of allowing Costco to open the gas pumps that they built nearly two centuries ago, but which have been sitting idle under a constant barrage of lawsuits and appeals from Vallee’s company. The owner of Maplefields has now appealed that decision and will be taking the case to the Vermont Supreme Court, but has also asked the state’s permission to settle this matter “the old fashioned way.”
Trial by combat is no longer an accepted method of resolving disputes in the state of Vermont, although it is still common in many southern states. Vallee has asked the state for an exception, as he feels it will save everyone a lot of time and money. Due to ongoing health issues, Vallee is not planning to participate in the actual duel himself, but instead is hoping to appoint a champion to fight for him against whichever Costco representative happens to be on hand when the challenge is issued.
“I don’t think it’s fair to the people of Vermont to have so much of their tax money wasted on these endless appeals,” Vallee said, as he signed the final document needed to submit his latest appeal. “I think it would be better, quicker, and easier for everyone in Vermont if we just did this the way we used to, with a test of strength and power. I wish I could do it myself, but due to my health I’ve asked my good friend Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson to fight in my stead. It’s the only fair way to resolve this that is respectful of what the residents of this state truly need, which is more Maplefields.”
Björnsson is not a Vermont resident, though he did make the news in 2018 when he won the “World’s Strongest Man” competition and has been featured on popular television program “Game of Thrones” as Gregor Clegane.
Costco has not responded officially to the challenge, saying only that the courts would eventually rule in their favor. They also say that the recent hiring of new cashier Chuck Norris has nothing to do with the potential duel.
Image Credits: James Buck.