BURLINGTON – According to reports coming out of Burlington, Lance Freeman lives his life while only holding on to one job. Freeman lives with his wife and two children in the Five Sisters neighborhood, where it is common for each adult to have at least two jobs, with some residents holding down up to seven or eight.
“He seemed like a nice guy, very quiet, but friendly to everybody on the block,” said Nelly Nez, who lives next door to the Freemans. “It was a little odd that he was around so much. We’d see him pretty regularly in the mornings, before 8 or 8:30 I guess, and then around 5 he’d be home again, and he wouldn’t seem to go anywhere else consistently. Now that I think about it, he was a bit of an odd bird.”
Many of Freeman’s friends say that they never suspected he was only working one job, as they assumed he had some sort of side hustle on the down low that he was keeping quiet.
“I figured he was selling weed or something,” said Freeman’s good friend Tom Pippin. “I looked in his basement windows one time, thinking he was maybe brewing craft beer or something to sell, but it turns out this guy doesn’t even have an Etsy shop. I have no idea how he survives. One job. It just doesn’t seem right, or even possible.”
Freeman himself is now under investigation by the IRS. Although they cannot disclose the specifics of the case, they did say that this would be the first case of a resident of Burlington managing to survive comfortably on only one income, and that they were skeptical that everything was being filed properly.