WILLISTON – Business has ground to a halt at international development giant RELEAF, as many internal communications are not being returned, responded to, or even opened. With several major proposals due this week, employees are concerned that they may lose vital grant funding for overseas projects if two key staff members don’t connect.
“I have no idea what he’s doing,” says rising star Xander Miller. “I have seriously texted him a dozen times. I know he has his phone on him. I have literally seen him walk down the hall with it in his pocket. And then he keeps trying to call me! Like, dude, seriously, I’m in meetings half the day, I’ve got other stuff to work on. We’ve got three proposals I’m trying to get out the door by Wednesday, and I don’t have time to give any one person my full and undivided attention. No way am I picking up a phone call. I even, ugh…, e-mailed the guy, but Alex refuses to respond. I swear he’s going to bring down this company single-handedly.”
Other employees confirm that Miller and co-worker Alex Meunier have seen each other in the hallway several times, although neither has spoken to the other in person.
“Oh yeah, I see that I’ve got some texts,” says Meunier, who has been with the company for 28 years. “Didn’t read ’em. Not going to. When I see someone has texted me, I pick up the phone and call them. And this infant refuses to answer his phone. I know he’s got the damn thing on him all the damn time. Hell, he comes out of the bathroom with it in his hand. I wouldn’t touch it if I were you; just sayin’. So I’ve left him a dozen voicemails, and he won’t respond. His supervisor says he hasn’t even listened to them. How are we going to get any work done when he refuses to talk to me? I don’t have time for this nonsense, we’ve got three huge proposals we need to connect on, and he apparently doesn’t feel the need to communicate. When I retire next year, I swear, this place will be out of business in a month.”
I thought you folks did satire. This is too true! We need to talk. So have the writer call me. On my landline.