Trump Pre-Blames Puerto Rico and the Bahamas For Future Storm Damage

WASHINGTON DC – As another tropical depression begins to develop into what may become Tropical Storm Humberto, US President Donald Trump has informed the islands of Puerto Rico and the Bahamas that any potential damage resulting from the storm will be their own fault.

“Stupid Porto Rico and Bahamas got slammed by storms, still haven’t moved locations. Still sitting in path of new storms. Hope they don’t expect help from US this time! Maybe pick a better spot. Morons.” tweeted the President early Friday morning from an undisclosed toilet.

“The President obviously did not mean any of things that he tweeted,” said White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham. “Honestly, I’m getting tired of having to explain this over and over again to you people. What the President says and what the President means to say are two entirely different things. If you read between the lines, what President Trump is expressing is support for anyone in the path of the storm, and prayers for victims of the previous hurricane.”

When asked about the follow-up tweet that suggested building a giant sea wall between the US and the Caribbean, Grisham translated, “What the President meant was that Democrats are tying his hands at every turn, and everyone is getting a huge tax refund. It couldn’t be more clear.”

Later, Grisham was asked what Trump meant when he then tweeted, “I am the Poseidon of the Jews. I control the wind and weather. All will bow before me and my mer-army!” at which point she abruptly resigned and moved to Canada.

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