The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Month: September 2019

5G Opponents to Hold Aluminum Foil Hat Fashion Show Fundraiser

September 10, 2019 The Winooski 2

AVERY’S GORE – Armed with new research from the Abacus Foundation, (the same group that started the Anti-Vax campaign, as well as the Anti-Con Trail […]

Millennial Refuses to Answer Phone Calls From Boomer Refusing to Return Text Messages

September 9, 2019 The Winooski 1

WILLISTON – Business has ground to a halt at international development giant RELEAF, as many internal communications are not being returned, responded to, or even […]

Syrup & Cows #118 – 9/8/19 – Praying Vermontis

September 8, 2019 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Sanders Campaign Sues Switzerland Over Name of Capital City

September 7, 2019 The Winooski 0

BERN – Bernie Sanders’ campaign has filed a suit against the capital of Switzerland for use of the trademarked word “Bern.” Sanders has been using […]

Seven Days Involved In Massive Sasquatch Cover-Up

September 6, 2019 The Winooski 1

BRADFORD – The Creamery Bridge in Bradford, VT has been closed since 2018 thanks to an angry Sasquatch, but you’d never know it by reading […]

Feline Street Gangs Menace Southern Vermont

September 5, 2019 Jill Allen 0

BRATTLEBORO – It’s hard to survive as a vagrant in Vermont, and no one knows that better than Vermont’s strays. “After a gang of feral […]

Vermont, Wisconsin Governors Embark on National Campaign to Promote Lactose Tolerance

September 4, 2019 The Winooski 2

MADISON, WI – Although no longer governor of Wisconsin, Scott Walker’s legacy will live on through a program he secretly developed with Vermont Governor Phil […]

Montpelier Police Detain “Armed” Man

September 3, 2019 Jill Allen 0

MONTPELIER – In the wake of the Capitol Complex in Montpelier experiencing a lockdown because an “armed man” was seen entering a State Building, local […]

Satire Writers Take Labor Day Off, Refuse to Wr

September 2, 2019 The Winooski 1

WINOOSKI – Despite very clear orders from their editor, the writers of Vermont’s premiere local satire site The Winooski have refused to finish any articles […]

Syrup & Cows #117 – 9/1/19 – Meetings

September 1, 2019 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

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